I love hearing shit like this, really.
My husband and I just snuck away for lunch at our favorite Indian restaurant.
(Related: Snuck isn’t a word? Really? Is it sneaked? Wow. You really do learn something new every day.)
Anyhow we were sitting next to this family (they were Indian but still) and marveling at the way the kids were eating. Spicy stuff with sauce and everything. And they weren’t complaining. So I started telling Joe about one of the girls’ friends who had been over that week, who had pretty much eaten like that.
Me: And when I asked her if she wanted mayo or mustard she said ‘sure whatever you have’ and then she ate the crusts and everything!
Him: [Shakes head silently, sadly]
Me: What?
Him: It’s just that you should know if you died in a plane crash tomorrow, that’s how our kids would eat.
Me: Look I realize that their every flaw is somehow my fault but if you actually think this one is fixable why aren’t you doing something about it? And why the fuck did you have to say plane crash? Jesus.
Him: Sorry, if you get accepted on that moon-shuttle thing and it explodes, the girls will learn to eat whatever the hell I feed them.
Me: No really, you should start making them eat stuff now. I’m kind of sick of buttered noodles.
Him: [No comment]
Me: That’s what I thought.
(And this is why I am qualified to write marriage books, people.)
Never doubted it. Though at least your husband still sounds pretty domesticated. I had a doctoral graduate who used to say when he potty trained his kids, he was going to train them to go in the yard. This statement was made with a bit of charades so we knew exactly what he meant. Hilarious, of course, but very disturbing. I still have images of fake kids who squat in the yard to do their business.
Sorry for the tangent. Just think men are just like this. Path of least resistance for them, but not exactly the most PC.
Comment by Fran — August 12, 2011 @ 3:26 pm
LOL! Seriously, what’s that girl’s parents’ secret? I love when people (ahem, my MIL) suggest I “make” the kids do something or “don’t put up with” something. Uh huh. Right.
Your book trailer’s hilarious! Can’t wait to read it. Looks right up my alley.
Comment by Abby — August 12, 2011 @ 3:28 pm
Yes. I love that. If I wasn’t there to “crack-the-whip” to get their food done…dinner would take 3 hours. Meals usually do anyway, but sometimes I’m there going “it’s 5:30. Eat your spaghetti now. Stop talking. WE have to leave at 6.” My husband looks at me. Seriously? It’s already been 15 minutes and my 7 year old has eaten 2 strands of noodles. IF I didn’t help scoop a bite here and there into their mouth, they would still have 3/4 of the bowl untouched (or stirred around) and then we have to leave…they would state 5 minutes into the car ride “We’re hungry” and/or they would spiral out of control because they don’t have enough food in them. yet, my husband gives me “a look.”
Sandi
http://www.ahhsome.wordpress.com
Lake Forest, CA
Comment by Sandi — August 12, 2011 @ 8:35 pm
I try to not fight with my son about what he eats, if he doesnt like the crusts I just let it go. We have bigger battles to fight…like getting his pee inside the toilet bowl not just all around the rim!
Comment by Paula @ thewilyweez — August 25, 2011 @ 2:10 pm
Ha! My husband has this new thing: he says “we” when he means ME, as in YOU do it.
Like “we really need to get the laundry done this week.”
You mean me?
“No, I said we.”
Just because you SAID we, doesn’t mean you MEAN we. When was the last time you did a load of laundry?
“Four years ago?”
Yeah, that’s what I thought.
He knoes he does this, and he knows it pisses me off. Has he stopped saying “we?”
Nope.
Comment by Tasha — September 7, 2011 @ 8:33 am