It doesn’t compute, right?
The other night at dinner we were happily practicing math facts with our eight-year-old, because we are good parents despite what that bitch Debra said. Also, “math facts” are just basic addition/subtraction/multiplication tables, but for some reason since we got old the math-bosses decided they needed a new name for them. Like you don’t “carry the one” any more, either. You “regroup”. I guess the word tables is sort of confusing in that context.
Anyway. I threw out NINE TIMES NINE pretty much straight away because that’s my calculator tester and everything. When she couldn’t get the answer, I was like “You have to know nine times nine! That’s the best calculator tester ever!” And everyone looked at me and I got the weirdest feeling that maybe everyone used a different calculator tester. Or no calculator tester at all.
“What the fuck are you talking about?” my husband asked. (Oh fine, he didn’t say fuck because we were at the table–see? confusing!–with the kids but you and I both know when it’s there even silently.)
“My calculator tester?” I sasked. (I just made that word up and I love it! It’s said-and-asked all smushed together. Works, right?) “You know, like before you balance your checkbook or add up all of the Girl Scout cookie orders and you have to make sure the calculator works? Or when you see one in the store and the little screen isn’t lit up because it’s solar and you can’t keep going until you wake it up, so you need your calculator tester?”
They all just stared at me.
“Mine’s nine-times-nine,” I added stupidly.
Silence.
“You don’t have one, do you?” I asked, looking at Joe.
“Of course I don’t have one,” he said.
“So how do you know if your calculator is working?” I needed to know this.
His response? “Calculators always work.”
Is he right? Am I crazy? Actually you’re probably super busy, so just the first question will suffice.
Yeah, I’ve never done that, and ‘vacuum under the fridge’ is on my to-do list today…however, once when the kids were little, I was trying to teach them their times tables, so I made up some flash cards. My husband is quizzing them one night at dinner, and they keep getting 7 x 8 wrong. They are adamant, “that’s the answer!” He says, “how do you know?” They say, “It’s on the cards!” “Where’d you get the cards?” “Mom made them!” (My appalling math skills have been well known since, on the PSAT, I scored in the 98th percentile in English, and the 27th percentile in math. You get 20th percentile for filling in your name on it.) They go get the cards, and indeed, I made one wrong. This has been dinner party fodder for the last 15-20 years.
Comment by Sarah — January 27, 2012 @ 11:35 am
He’s right.
And the first answer out of any of the kids’ mouths is always “I don’t know.” But if one of the others is doing homework, they shout out the answer in .643 nanoseconds and then have no ides how they knew it.
Comment by Mindy — January 27, 2012 @ 11:45 am
Honestly…I’ve never heard of a calculator tester, or thought to do that. I DO however, press all the clear buttons before using a calculator, so I know there was nothing left over from a previous equation. I like “sasked” but I think it would be even better as “sassked” like – you asked a question in a sass-mouth tone. I guess those could be two different words since they are spelled differently, so carry on. Plus, WTF?? They are changing math rules/terms? I didn’t even know it that well in the first place. Chalk that up to another reason I won’t have kids. I don’t want them to be smarter than me because some higher up decided to change the rules/terms on me!
Comment by Katie — January 27, 2012 @ 11:52 am
I don’t know if he is right. Because? I have a calculator tester too. But mine is just to hit the clear button several times. I am clearly not testing for accuracy. Just power.
Comment by Stefanie — January 27, 2012 @ 2:17 pm