Spats on the preschool playground are hardly newsworthy—unless they happen between 20 or so parents at a freaking graduation celebration and the whole school has to be put on lockdown, resulting in a cancellation of all previously planned year-end activities.

Sadly, I am not even making this up.  Click here to read my iVillage post on this ridiculous story.

Whether it was a Barbie Dream House or a new home built from scratch, chances are you have attempted to assemble something with your spouse.

How’d THAT work out for you?

Share your best construction-hell stories here… make me glad I’m not you and I’ll send you a copy of one of my books. For real.

~Jenna

After months of arduous toiling (and by “arduous toiling” I mean “writing checks to a half dozen programmers”), my blog is back, updated and FUNCTIONAL.

I know, let’s all celebrate with a cocktail.

Soon I’ll be blogging and apparently vlogging (just as soon as I figure out how exactly one vlogs) regularly at iVillage, in addition to the eleventy billion other places I currently share my, er, wisdom. I’ll be posting links here, so if you haven’t subscribed to my RSS feed yet… what the HELL are you waiting for?

Yours,

Jenna

It’s been a while since I’ve gathered up a smattering of one-liners (damned work). With my apologies and without further ado:

 

1.       You say “chance of hail”, I hear “put on your PJs and get back into bed immediately”.

 

2.       DH arrived in his superhero cape and fixed my printer. It wasn’t plugged in. Guess I can scratch “brain surgeon” off alternate-career list.

 

3.       Working for yourself is great except for the part about only making money when you WORK. I miss fucking off and getting paid for it.

 

4.       Me: “How many babies do you want someday?” 5YO: “Ninety!” 6YO: “Oh man, that’s gonna HURT.” My work here is done.

 

5.       LMFAO at the new Facebook phishing scam. “See yourself naked!” Dude, ANYBODY but me and I might be tempted.

 

6.       So what do you do when “don’t make me come up there” stops working? Do I actually have to GO UP THERE?

 

7.       Did everyone but me know that Evian spelled backwards is NAIVE? Hmmmm.

 

8.       6yo: “look mom, it’s a half-snake, half-alien!” Me: “That’s a lizard.” Guess this one got my outdoorsy genes.

 

9.       Sleeping in the same bed with your kids is fun. If you enjoy OCTOPUS WRESTLING.

 

10.   Thanks for the follow but I have to admit it kind of freaks me out that you are following one person and it’s me.

 

11.   Finally got the cat in the damned cage and she got out the back door. Related: WHO PUTS A BACK DOOR ON A CAT CAGE?

 

12.   “Jesus is a river of love, you won’t drown if you pray.” That’s sweet kid. Now come on, it’s time for your SWIM LESSON.