I have invented a new beauty product and I am sure it’s going to make me an overnight millionaire. I almost decided not to spill the details here because I was afraid someone would steal the idea, but the truth is, my product has been around forever. You probably own several sticks/tubes/bottles/pans of it, but it’s called something totally different. My plan is to repackage and reposition this wonder balm, using my marketing and advertising background to really focus on its multitude of currently untapped Unique Consumer Benefits.
I am going to call my product HEY, CHECK OUT MY BIG, GNARLY ZIT!™ (The exclamation point is key, and therefore part of the trademark.) The product itself will be made of a chalky, semi-flesh toned paste that has just a tiny bit too much white (or green or yellow) in it to actually resemble flesh. Applied to freshly broken out skin, it will highlight those oozing, inflamed patches unlike anything you have ever experienced. If you strapped a strobe light to your forehead and aimed the pulsating beam directly onto the BIG, GNARLY ZIT™ in question, the result would pale in comparison to the application of HCOMBGZ!™. Even when applied with the utmost of discretion under a brigade of klieg lights you borrowed from your SWAT-team neighbor, the resulting completely off-color, mountainous mound of cakey, flaky product plastered over a tiny, weeping, bloodshot eye works like a neon sign to announce to the world that the Skin Gods pissed all over your face last night. Best of all, HCOMBGZ!™ immediately traps any existing bacteria on the skin, causing the BIG, GNARLY ZIT!™ to grow even larger, thereby necessitating further application of HCOMBGZ!™.
Trust me, this stuff works.
Just $14.95 (plus shipping and handling) a tube at www.jennamccarthy.com! Packaging may vary. Order now and I’ll throw in a copy of my new book.